A positive person?

Oh no- look what has just happened.

I have had a really busy week: meetings, assignments and preparing for and delivering a webinar on wellness and thriving with some amazing GPs and trainee GPs, then I get struck down with the nasty cold/flu going around- or did I?

It wasn’t until 3 days into this dreadful cold that I noticed that I couldn’t smell orange in the drink I was drinking. A dreadful suspicion came over me.

Yes- the lateral flow confirmed it- I tested positive for covid.

I’m still waiting for the result of the PCR test from this morning, but here’s what went on in my head: I suddenly realised that I was going to have to cancel all birthday plans for this week (kids coming to visit, time away with hubby etc) and would isolate until the night of my birthday. I then remembered the wellness talk I did earlier that week, & how I was asked “how do you stay positive?”

Right at that moment, nothing felt positive, except the Covid test.

Yes- my age old habit of counting blessings reminded me that I wasn’t in hospital, that I had my house to isolate in.. etc but right then, I felt really, really miserable.

Do you know what I did then?

I stayed with it for about 3 hours, felt utterly miserable and if I’m totally honest, I cried. Then- after that, I found some paper and a pen and wrote all the things I could do over my isolation.

• Things that would benefit my brain or body, or encourage others.

• Things I could do when I felt a bit better, and things I could do while still feeling dreadful.

Even just writing the list helped me focus and feel like I had accomplished something.

One of the things on the list was ‘update my blog post’- so here it is.

Summer

How have your holidays been?

We all love to look forward to the Summer holidays- warm weather, time with friends or family and space to relax…

Sometimes, though, reality isn’t always as lovely.

Calls to Relate can increase by nearly 50% in September after the Summer holidays, with relationships struggling after the financial and emotional pressures of the school holidays, unmet expectations & exhaustion from trying to get work deadlines met before the holidays.

So what can we do to reduce the stress?

1. Plan the holiday with the family, and budget for each area of spending. Arguments over money can be one of the biggest factors in many relationship difficulties, so helping everyone involved to take responsibility can reduce this.

2. Talk about what each of your expectations are, and what great memories each of you has from a previous holiday. You may find that some more simple (and cheaper) ideas are more memorable. Now my children are older, we each have an evening to cook the dinner on holiday, and the kids love to plan the food and spend time making it. As there are 6 of us on holiday, that means that the last night we can have chips or a meal out.

3. Allow time for the family to re-adjust to each other. I find that many families have a low time around day 2-3 of the holiday. This is often because they are readjusting to different routines & expectations, and the more introverted members need space to themselves. It is really helpful to factor this in when planning activities- for example, day 2 or 3 could be for doing individual activities or going shopping in the local town.

4. Switch off from work if at all possible. Emails, phone & conference calls all have an effect on your holiday, often taking your thoughts to your work place for several hours. Out of hours responses can be easily set up on email accounts to let people know what date you will be back in work and responding. I do not want to steal holiday time from my family, so for me, this is essential.

5. Take plenty of photos of the holiday- often we look back and remember holidays as much more relaxing and enjoyable when we have positive photos and talk about funny or positive memories from them.

Teamwork

Photo by Anna Samoylova on Unsplash

Alone we can do so little: together we can do so much

… that sounds great doesn’t it?

The problem is, in practice, teamwork can be a strain on mental & physical health for everyone involved when it is not working properly. Rather than feeling like pieces joining together to form a jigsaw picture, it can feel like everyone is in a tug-of-war, all pulling against each other.

So how can we improve the situation? Stop it looking like every man/woman for themselves?

Here are some pointers that Gallup.com have identified for improving teamwork in the workplace:

1. Have a clearly defined outcome for improvement- what are you trying to do as a team? Provide an effective service or improve performance? This helps set specific goals.

2. Identify strengths of each member of the team, what their stated role is and where they are most suited to achieve the stated outcomes. . (I have found doing a CliftonStrengths assessment for each team member really helps with this- especially when put into a teams grid).

3. Communicate well and encourage one another. Where have you seen another team member do a good job? Let them know.

These small changes can completely alter the atmosphere and form a stronger, healthier team.

If you want to find out more about multiplycoaching and our individual & team sessions, please contact office@multiplycoaching.com

Crucial Conversations

How did your most recent crucial (or potentially difficult) conversation go?

Did emotions take over and those of you involved end up shouting, talking angrily or going quiet on the other?

I remember helping my mum fill up her car with fuel on day, and a man in a large truck started shouting at her because she hadn’t parked close enough to the pump for him to get past easily.

I came round the car and waded into the conversation, determined to defend mum from this aggression, especially as she was obviously in a wheelchair and driving an adapted car.

Was I right to step in?

I would still say I was right to stand up for my mum, but looking back, I know I could have dealt with it better.

Crucial Conversations are the sort of interactions where the stakes are high, there are strong emotions or differing views, resulting in the people involved in the conversation feeling unsafe, letting emotions take over and resulting in them closing off or blowing up.

In my example- the truck driver had probably already had a difficult day and was reacting to another difficult driver. He may not have noticed that she was in a wheelchair, but once he started shouting and I waded in, he didn’t feel he could back down.

The book “Crucial Conversations” by Kerry Patterson is an invaluable tool for dealing with such situations, helping me and you recognise what we truly want and avoid the temptation to think there are only two options (argue or avoid the situation).

When we learn to keep our emotions in check, share our views persuasively & help the other person state their views, we can start to master these difficult conversations, improving the outcomes and achieving positive results.

So when you next get into an argument over a parking space, who last emptied the bin or what is expected at work, remember-there aren’t just the two options of avoidance or arguments- there is another way….

For more information and prices for individual coaching, conflict resolution coaching or partnerships at work contact me: vicki@multiplycoaching.com