Engaging your audience

‘Angela’ (identity has been changed for anonymity) is a competent, knowledgeable business person who prepares well for her presentations. She knows her stuff, but has noticed that she doesn’t get people engaging in her meetings in the same way as others- even those who seem to prepare less and have less information.

Have you ever felt like this? You are speaking and don’t feel the connection with the audience- they aren’t with you, and many will feel there is something off or awkward about the presentation. This can lead to reduce self-confidence in speaking and negative feedback.

There are many things that can be done to help in this situation, but as Angela and I talked, she identified that she tends to focus on just one or two people in the audience.

Eye contact is essential to establish connection resulting in increased focus and learning from the group.

Tips for eye contact in presentations:

1. Use eye contact as a way of connecting with the audience.

2. Don’t stare- Eye contact for more than around 3 seconds makes people feel uncomfortable.

3. Help everyone feel included and invited in to the presentation through eye contact with people in all areas of the room

Angela tried this and had increased positive feedback and engagement in her presentations, increasing her self-confidence and ability to bridge skill gaps for employees.

If you want to find out more about business or individual coaching or mentoring, conflict management or even get a public speaker for your event, contact vicki@multiplycoaching.org

I’m going to take a sledgehammer to your car!

James was pulling his car up in a lay-by in a Birmingham suburb.

He was on holiday with his family and wanted to find somewhere to leave the car while he and the family enjoyed another day on the canal.

He was taken by surprise when a man came storming over toward him, spitting with rage., demanding to know where he had come from and what he was doing.

James tried to explain that he was leaving the car in the lay-by as it was out of the way of any drive way and he was going down to the canal.

The man was furious.

“I’m going to take a sledgehammer to your car!”

James tried to apologise and smooth things over, but this man was not at a point he could be reasoned with. His emotional state had so taken over that he could no longer be rational.

This is a more extreme case, but what can we do when faced with conflict? When the person in front of us is so angry they are at the verge of violence?

Dealing with an aggressive person:

1. Talk calmly with the main person involved, laying out the issue and any solutions and listening well. Do not interrupt them as they speak.

2. Find something in common with the other person, and try to look at the problem together, side by side, identifying common goals.

3. Depersonalise any emotions from the other person so you do not become angry as well.

4. Look after your own safety- get away from the situation quickly if the person looks like they are actually going to be violent to you or any property. Encourage others to do the same.

In this situation, James tried the first 3 tips, but the man was not able to be reasoned with or talked with. He had gone beyond that point. So James quickly moved the car to a very different area.

How about you?

Have you got any areas of conflict or are you dealing with angry or aggressive people in your workplace, home or family?

Please, look after your own safety first and get out of the situation if you are concerned about actual violence- seek help from one of the agencies listed below.

Conflict resolution can be exhausting and time consuming, but if done well, it can lead to greater understanding, creativity and clarity. Do contact vicki@multiplycoaching.com if you would like help in dealing with workplace or interpersonal conflict.

The national domestic abuse helpline is for anyone experiencing fear because of a partners actions or reactions. Visit https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk or call 0808 2000 247

If your safety is in danger, you can also call the police on 999.

There are many other great local and national agencies that will help and can be found on the internet.

Good Listening

Good listening is a learned skill that helps the listener understand what is being said, show that they are listening and respond appropriately. It involves reflecting on the information or thoughts being shared to try and understand the speakers point of view.

it involves listening to more than just the words, but also the emphasis, emotion, silences and meaning behind the words.

This keeps both the speaker and listener fully engaged in the conversation, and is different to just hearing the other person.

Listening vs Hearing

In hearing, the sound passes though the ear and is registered by the brain.

 Listening involves working to be actively involved in the conversation, interpreting the sound and using techniques to help stay attentive, showing the speaker that they are valued and heard, increasing trust and sharing of bigger concerns.

This can be hard work, and we can get distracted by things around us, other people, our thoughts or what we want to say next. 

Tips for successful listening include:

• Practice- Active listening is a skill that requires practice, and like using a muscle, grows as it is used more.

• Paying attention to:

• People’s names, using them where appropriate

• Pauses or silence, as they may show self-censoring or struggle with increased emotion

• What is being said, words used, the frequency of specific words

• Emotions or lack of emotion- respond to these and reflect on them, helping the speaker recognise the emotions and what is behind them.

• Body language (both yours and theirs). An open posture shows willingness to talk and listen.

• How you are feeling and reacting to what is being said. Be aware that your own emotions can get involved and steer the conversation, so be aware of them but don’t let them dominate or influence the conversation.

• Withhold judgement. Ensure the other person feels they can share anything, and you can listen with an open mind. Sometimes someone shares something that can be difficult to hear, but as you listen well and ask good open questions, you find the meaning behind it and common ground for continuing the conversation.

• Reflect & Clarify- As you listen, ensure greater understanding and show that you are listening by asking open questions or paraphrasing main points, checking you are on the same track. This helps the speaker reflect rather than just defend their view or idea.

• Summarise- This is essential in conflict situations, but also in other conversations. It involves clarifying the key things that have been said, actions as a result of the conversation and expectations of each party. This can be done by one or preferably both parties.

• Share- This is a skill to be used only sparingly, but sharing similar experiences you may have can show that the speaker is not alone in this situation, and can help build relationship, showing that you have successfully interpreted the situation.

Asking good questions

Have you ever been in one of those conversations?

You know the sort.. whether you are in a tense and difficult conversation, conducting an interview, sitting next to someone at a wedding or meeting someone for a meal, it’s one of those conversations where it’s like wading through treacle to get the conversation going beyond the yes and no answers.

Time seems to drag and you feel like checking your watch, but know it will look impatient and rude.

There are several things reasons why this conversation could have dried up, and several things you can do to try and remedy the situation.

One powerful technique for opening up conversations, encouraging conversation and helping people express themselves better is using open questions.

There are two main types of questions, closed questions and open questions.

Closed questions can be usually be answered by a simple “yes” or “no” (eg: is there any way I can help, do you like your food, is there anything else we need to discuss, do you think this job is for you). These can be really important in beginning and finishing a conversation and can be helpful in confirming details or information.

Open Questions tend to give us more information about the other person and encourage them to speak, share their feelings or thoughts and help bring resolution to conflict more easily. (eg: tell me what you enjoy about your job, what do you think is the best way forwards for us, what is on your mind at the moment, where can you see opportunities and obstacles in the path ahead).

So where are you going to use open questions to bring more out of a conversation?

What situations can you identify from this last week where you could have used open questions rather than closed ones?

If you would like to find out more about good listening, coaching, conflict resolution or team training, please email vicki@multiplycoaching.com