Humiliation
Humiliation is defined as 'the embarrassment and shame you feel when someone makes you appear stupid, or when you make a mistake in public.'
There is a great podcast called ‘How to keep cool in a crisis’ on Slate.
Bus driver Dan (Dan Christensen), who has driven a Portland bus for 15 years, mentioned a story where a guy was on the bus and was just yelling at Dan. He couldn’t work out why the guy was so angry, and as the guy got off the bus, Dan asked him, "Hey, what happened?”
He wanted to check if anyone in the back of the bus had done something to him.
The man started yelling directly at Dan as he walked down the street. He then walks right into a phone pole & everyone on the bus roars with laughter.
The guy then runs back to the bus and punches Dan and keeps punching him.
Why does the man do this? He is humiliated.
Humiliation is an intense emotion that plays a very important role in the escalation of violence- both between individuals and groups of people (for example, in international conflict), and the bigger the audience, the greater the potential for humiliation.
It is such an intense emotion because it triggers the same circuits in the brain as physical pain.
That means that being humiliated can feel like being punched.
This is why it is so important to treat others with respect, especially when there is the potential for conflict or disagreement.
For training on conflict or conflict resolution/mediation, contact us: office@multiplycoaching.com or book in a free 30 minute session to find out more: https://calendly.com/multiplycoaching/newclient
First Impressions
Whether you are meeting interviewing for a job, meeting new clients, or being introduced at a social event, meeting new people can be daunting.
Your first impression makes a massive difference. "You never get a second chance to make a great first impression."
Psychologists have shown that most of us make judgements about another person we meet in under a tenth of a second- and that can often form how we treat them and how we get treated.
We often judge people based on their appearance and how much they appear to like us. (When we think someone likes us, we are more likely to like them back. If we think they don't like us, we tend not to like them and think of them as unlikeable).
Our clients are doing the same for us- they are judging us- can I trust this person? Do I like them? Are they competent?
So what can we do about this?
A psychologist called Todrov did an experiment, showing people computer generated faces and asked them to judge them based on how likeable, aggressive, competent & trustworthy they were (see image). They were given 1 second, 1/2 second or 1/10 second to judge. The groups with the different time scales all got generally the same answers no matter how long they were shown the picture. Those faces nearer the right hand side of the picture were judged as more likeable.
So how can we make a good first impression?
-Turn up on time
-Smile and show the person you like them
-Introduce yourself well
-Find common ground between you and the other person
To book in coaching or training on good communication, first impressions or preparing for a job interview, message us or contact office@multiplycoaching.com
Remembrance
Remembrance Sunday is a day to pause and remember.
We remember those who have been affected by wars and conflict all over the globe.
We remember those who are in the midst of conflict or war right now and pray for them and their families.
We recognise our part in conflict in the world, and pray for the wisdom & courage to talk, admit mistakes and seek reconciliation with anyone we may be in conflict with.
Photo by Anna Meshkov on Unsplash